Birthday Mirror
11.16 - Birthday Blues
The reflection of my Birthday got to me once again. I escaped Los Angeles and went to New York. First I didn’t know why I impulsively wanted to run away. Then I realized, it was the song I was avoiding. The thought of people singing “Happy Birthday,” while smiling and staring into my soul wasn’t something I wanted. I know the word “Happy” is in the song, but I don’t know if I am happy, to be turning one year older. Let me back up. I know Birthdays are a blessing. I’m thankful to be alive - Typing on my Substack that no one knows I have. But truly, I do have a lot to be grateful for.
New York was the perfect get away. “What are you doing for your Birthday?” “I’ll be out of town! We can celebrate next year.” Oh did I fool people, or am I really fooling myself?
It was a travel day for my actual Birthday. The time was late when I finally settled in my hotel room. The wisest, chillest choice in that moment was just grabbing a beer and getting in the bath, a bubble bath. And that was my first night in New York.
The rest of the week was fun. I had a mix of everything. Going out with friends and family, walking, and reflecting. The walking part was really good for me. I thought about everything. All my dreams, day dreams, and night dreams.
Seeing my New York friends was nice. Change of energy. Sometimes it’s good to travel if you can, if you’re confused on a subject. It shakes the energy up in a good way. I reflected so dang much that I deleted Instagram off my iPhone the last day of the trip. Which was a really good choice because I feel great not looking at it. I love it. I enjoy my mind more without it. Period.
Now that I’m back in Los Angeles… I have to say… I needed New York. Whatever I got from it, I needed it. I also got some writing inspiration. Haha, Carrie Bradshaw would be proud.
So, the ending of this is. I had a good birthday. Even if I tried to runaway from it.
<3
Happy Birthday to me.
PS.
I ended up still going out with my friends for my Birthday. After all that. It was lovely. I’m an emo silly girl, I can’t help myself.